Falling Up
It’s easy when you look at successful people or famous people to only see the end result, to admire the positive outlook of what seems to be their lives.
We tend to naturally focus on the finish product without thinking much about the steps, the context, the work, the fall backs that occurred for the person before or while getting there.
The idea of success and happiness varies for each of us, whether your conception of it is an amount of money, a certain role, a big family, a number of trips you’ve went on, the number of friends you have or the type of car that you drive.
However diverse the idea of success and happiness can be, what is true for each and everyone of us, is that if you have a goal that matters to you, if there is something you are working towards: there’s most likely no way you can achieve it without experiencing failure. And if you don’t fail, it just means it was an easy thing you were aiming for, not getting you out of your comfort zone or you are extremely, extremely lucky! And maybe, you are feeling happy in your comfort zone, and that’s great too!
The fact is that in life, either you plateau and you are most likely not going to experience failure at all or you go get what you want and in one way or another you will fail.
This is not being pessimistic, just being realistic. The good news is: you should aim to fail!
The idea of failing is daunting, just thinking about it, doesn’t sound appealing simply because failing is uncomfortable, icky and even painful.
But there are many reasons why failing is actually amazing, granted in the very moment while you are experiencing failure, it won’t feel nice but the aftermath is so worth it!
The right path to your goals
Once you have determined your goals and as you are moving towards them, experiencing setbacks is an evidence that you are moving towards them. It is most likely that you are aiming for something you don’t have yet, that you haven’t done in the past, and it will require skills you have yet to learn in order to achieve that objective. You’ll have to figure out who to reach out to, what are the sub-tasks to do, how to organize yourself, where to put your efforts. Those are not easy tasks, and you’ll figure it out as you go, just keep going!
It may sound counter intuitive, but if you are experiencing discomfort: it’s actually a proof you are on the right path.
Failing as a catalyst for growth
Failing is also an amazing testimony that you are growing. That’s my favorite example from Brooke Castillo: think about babies trying to learn how to walk and how many times they’ll fall before actually succeeding. They’ll try, and try, and try again before being able to stand on their feet. It’s the same for us!
We are in a society the markets the end result, the easy life, the immediate reward. We get taught, that you just have to go to school, get married, have children, and your life is complete! That’s the stereotypical life that’s shoved down our throats. Nothing wrong with that, but there are also many other ways to be your best self and many different paths one can follow.
Enriching yourself and learning should never stop, especially in a world where everything is constantly evolving and changing. When you stumble on something, it means that you are trying, and that’s the most important part. You deserve the chance to succeed, and unless you try, you’re not giving yourself that chance. All of us have something we want to do: another job, a new hobby, a trip. Don’t wait: go for it! It doesn’t mean you have to be a superstar at everything you do, it means you shoudn’t hold back on trying, and if you’re not trying because you’re scared, that’s never a good reason.
Getting the results, Building confidence
Ultimately, all the pitfalls you battled, will give you the results you were aiming for in the first place. It’s not even the best though, the journey is. All of what you will have experienced to get there: getting back on your feet, persevering not matter how difficult, trying different approaches, not listening to your inner self telling you to give up: that is the grand prize!
It builds your confidence and sets you in place where you can trust yourself knowing if there’s something you want to achieve you will achieve it and you will be relentless about it.
The Letdowns
There are other types of failures: the ones that your context subjects you to, that you will endure with no choice. Diseases, losing someone, getting fired from a job you love, natural disasters and such.
Despite having no control nor aspiration for any of those, they are part of life. Accepting them as such, even owing them, giving yourself time to grieve and be down, that turns those experiences into defining moments in your life. Looking for ways to make these struggles positive and insightful shapes you into the next version of yourself.
Chances are, if you have gone through those defining moments, there’s a new depth to you. It’s hard to explain, but once you’ve experienced that, there’s a whole new dimension that opens up, making you more appreciative. After going through chaos in my life, I had such a deep appreciation for what was still there, my support system, my situation; I also had a new perspective on life and a new perspective on the people who had gone through the same thing, as if now we were linked by that turning point. I get it, they get it.
Because of failure I know myself through hard times: the way I have handled the situations, giving myself space to learn, observing that process, focusing on the good, always being curious, leading with kindness.
There’s something unique about witnessing your own evolution, being humble because you know how hard it’s been yet also having space to love yourself, not taking that failure personally and making it an asset in your life.
Ultimately, when the whirlwind is over and you have thrived, you will see these periods with compassion and appreciation, as they were defining opportunities for you to become the next version of yourself.
So, fall up my friends!